Friday, September 25, 2009

Memories of Fear and Emptiness

Introduction to FORMS:
I know, as well as a mere human can, what God's purpose is for me today. I know for certain, that in the days before I loved God above all else, my life had little was empty. I did not know who I was. I did not understand the reason for my suffering. I did not know how to live by any other means than by the moment.

I share this poem, written from that time long ago, a time before the light of God rose up in me and gave me my form--that of a child of God. I pray that the form my spirit has taken today honors Him.

Reading back on this, I am struck by the darkness that seemed to permeate my thoughts and how the imagery so aptly captured the emptiness of a woman lost without the Lord God, Our Father.

Do not be empty. God has a wonderful plan to fill you up with infinite love, purpose and hope.

"I am the Great Abyss,
huge and wide--encompassing all--
yet owning nothing.

I labor. I struggle.
My breath puffs out in expediency
as I fight to control each atom,
every nucleus in my atmosphere.
(My attempt to draw them toward
what I have, thus far, perceived to
be my center.)

The unification of these elements
will allow my true form to materialize.

I stall, like a baby one tires to expel,
contemplating what my form will be
if my attempt is successful.

Encompassing all as I do,
I am aware of the multitudes of
decapitated forms that exist--
one's composed of arms and legs
engaged in a meaningless entanglement.
Is there no conversation?

I am now true to form.
A Great Abyss, headless as the rest--
encompassing all
yet owning nothing."

Introduction to WALKERS:
How we hate change! How we struggle against change, even if it would save our own life. Like many, there have been times when I have refused to make change...although it undoubtedly would have made me a healthier, happier woman.

What keeps us so stuck in our comfort zone? Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear we might actually succeed? is our spiritual is our journey...our path to growth. We must change or perish!

Sometimes we get so stuck in the fear of change that we are paralyzed. This can happen with changes we know we need to make...such as quitting smoking. But, this also happens to the changes we want to make to reach our goals and dreams.

Combat your fear of change through prayer. Then take little, baby steps toward that change every day until you get there. Taking little steps each day toward your goal will eventually deliver you at the door of the greater goal you wanted to reach. Trust the journey. Take the little steps. Start now. It's your time...and time is limited.

I share a poem I wrote at one point when I was stuck. Frozen. Perhaps you will relate. Perhaps you will decide "to do" instead of "not to".

"This time has done nothing-
only served a master whom prolongs.
A delicate tightrope I walk,
to be so consistently undecided.
The wrong to my right,
the right to my left.
Or, has the right been wronged and left?
I can not decide.

My spotters have pulled the rope taut.
Tension rising in my arches
surely threatens the continuance of my balance.
What thoughts could they process?
Surely my existence is in jeopardy!

I survey what waits to my left and my right.
Each has a risk, identifiable.
Which is right?
I can not decide.

I will stay on my rope.
To spite them, I will stay.
Even should their constant pulling
cause the rope to dissipate,
I will stay and vanish with it.

They push me...
to decide.
I have chosen...
not too.



susanj2008 said...

Bravo! Bravo!

JustJoy-Filled said...

Beautiful! So deep yet so whimsical!